A New Day

Aaah, it's so nice to be home. It's funny, but Georgia has it's own smell. It's like grass, fire, and something else. It's a great smell.

Right now, I'm contemplating what to do with my day. I tend to not do so well when I don't have structure, but I guess I need to learn how to make my own. So far, my mental options involve the park and the library. Isn't Hamilton Mill a magical place? Because there is in fact a library WITHIN a park. Fantastic!

I was reminded/encouraged yesterday by my good friend Michelle. While I was in Hawaii, I really discovered how much I was missing by not spending time just being with God. He really is a treasure. But, China took a lot out of me, and I lost some of the passion and daily dedication that I had while I was in Hawaii. While in Hawaii, if it got to be the afternoon and I STILL hadn't spent time with God, I was stressed to the max; life felt meaningless and confusing. I would have to immediately run away to be just me and Him, at least for a little bit. So is it any wonder that now, as I am faced with sorting out my feelings and thoughts as well as trying to decide what to do next, I am not at peace and often find myself confused? Don't get me wrong, I still spend time with Him... but it's not enough. I need good, quality time with Him everyday. That's what I had and it was great. It's difficult to start back into it though. At times it can feel like you're just... sitting. But He's worth feeling like I'm just sitting sometimes.

By the way, this is my desktop background at the moment. I took it in ol' Hee-why-ay.

I Still Choose You

Aaah, it's been a long lovely day. It was Courtney's birthday today, and we covered her bed in plumeria flowers. They're abundant here in Hawaii.

It's hard to believe, but two weeks from today I will leave Hawaii! It feels like I just got settled in. I always feel really existential at times like this. "This" being a time where life is shifting again and I'm reflecting on the stage which is ending while listening to a cool song (Poison and Wine - The Civil Wars), and no one is really around, but I can hear people not far away.

We're learning about science this week. I secretly love science. Especially when I'm not tested on what we learned about. Did you know that the earth is insanely unique? It's true. If you wanna learn something, read "Rare Earth." Or watch the DVD about earth... I don't remember the name. Another true statement: It's rained every week we've been here, multiple times.

Shifting topics, for those of you who don't know, I had a dog named Daisy (see photo above. She's behind Lex). I got her for my 16th birthday. She was $75 at a baseball game, and the best dog anyone could hope for. At first I hated her because I didn't know anything about taking care of dogs. But eventually I watched enough of "It's Me or the Dog" and got the hang of it. Daisy, unfortunately, died a year ago. She was only two years old. But Daisy is a testimony of God's relentless, unstoppable, over the top, extravagant pursuit of my heart, my whole heart. During the two years I had Daisy, I lost most everything that was important to me (all in the relationship column). I actually told someone a week before she died that, "I lost all I cared about except for my dog." When I found her dead on my back porch at ten in the morning, the only thing I could think was "God loves me." How backwards is that? It's like He was waiting on my back porch so He could hold me while I cried. I knew very quickly that the reason she died is because, even though she was just a dog, she was kind of like a lifeline; the only thing I could hold on to. But do you know what? My Lover said, "I want all of you, my darling. I'll stop at nothing." He's jealous for every affection I have. I've been learning in the last year that it's a happy life to give Him every affection. No one is happier to receive it than He is; and no one returns affection like He does. He was seeking my affection before I cared about Him at all! He loved me before I even looked at Him! I was made to freely give all of my attention and affection to Him. I was made for Him.

Well, sleepy time. Good night!

The Flame of Love

Hello! So, it was suggested before I left for the beautiful island of Hawaii that I should blog so people will know what's going on with me. Two months later... a blog emerges!

So I would try to catch everyone up on the last two months, but it's 10 at night here, and I just don't want to type that much. I'll try to keep up from now on.

Explanation of blog:

My life since I met Jesus (last February) has been quite an adventure. My favorite thing to say lately: If "Christianity" bores you, you're doing it wrong. But no matter where Jesus has lead me, or what he's asked me to do, everything seems to begin and end with love. The way I understand it, God is love. I grew up singing it. I grew up saying it. I grew up hearing it. Never once did I understand it. It really, until recently, meant nothing to me that "God is love." But, like I said, I've learned a lot about love in the last year. I've learned a lot about him in the past year. Could some one actually be the definition of love? Could everything he does be loving? Could he not know how to be any other way? Could he actually not do anything but love? Wooooah. When you come in contact with this person, this one who loves soooo much, you catch it. It's like being set on fire from the inside out (literally). It consumes me. It consumes those I'm around. It consumes everything I do. I desperately want others to catch on fire. I'm reaching a place where I'm not satisfied if I'm not ablaze. Some call God the Living Flame of Love... makes sense to me. My life is to follow Love wherever he goes.

A picture and a paragraph have been on my mind non stop lately:

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. - Song of Solomon 8:6-7




Let me burn forever.